Friday, July 18, 2008

Path Chosen

Last year, the talk was about "babies," and this year, the theme is about "weddings." Of course, I am being ostracized on both conversations. People around me are wondering what am I doing with my life, and so many questions hover on my being unmarried. Although I don't blame them for such thoughts and that's because most cousins and friends my age are already married and have two or more children of their own. But what bothers me the most is when these type of questions seem to come up on group conversations, and some people can be so blunt and insensitive about telling me - that I'll be too old to have a baby or even find a man to marry. As usual, I laugh it off and make a joke about it, after some silent thought reminding myself that I'm getting good at handling these remarks, but deep inside, something somewhere inside me hurts. I'm not hurt because I am single and choose to be child free, but I am hurt because people are making my situation a problem. I don't think there's any problem with being single and child free. Gosh darn it, I am happy where I am. Isn't that what's suppose to matter? Why does my situation bother other people more than myself? Is the pressure to marry and have babies stronger on women than men? Are married people happier than those who remain single?

To my married, engaged, and single friends, happy Friday and have a fantastic weekend!


  1. maybe they're just envious, for why would anyone fuss about someone being single? Is it a genuine concern? If they see that you are happy as you are, they should share your happiness with your chosen path. What makes me think why some of the people who make 'singleness' a problem is because they are envious, for they are no longer as free.. and with marriage and babies, more responsibilities and inhibitions which an unmarried person is free of.

  2. Hi Kayni,
    Some people could really be just dense. It's easy to tell you not to mind them, but it's hard not to let these comments affect you. Haay...

    Hope you're having a good weekend!

  3. vitchie, I'm not so sure about this being such a genuine concern. It comes out more as a way to embarrass me specially in gatherings or to a group of people. I'm freaking annoyed.

    Imom, thank you. I try to ignore such comments most of the time, but there are days I get so mad.

  4. Kayni, let me just say that I share your pain. I, too, am single, childless and nearing the end of the calendar. So to speak. And like you I am not in a hurry to be hitched up. I always tell whoever's interested that I'm getting married when I'm 50. hehe

  5. Layrayski, Didn't know we're on the same boat. I guess we can just learn to laugh it off no matter what they say.

  6. Hi Kayni..

    D said he reminds us of this Peyups article:

    Let's not settle, huh?


  7. erratum: it should have been "we remind him of.."

  8. That is really all that matters Kayni - that you are happy in your own skin. It doesn't matter what other people say or think although I admit they can be quite harsh, tactless and insensitive. The key is to avoid family gatherings hehe

  9. The questions will never stop no matter what stage of life you're in!

    When you're single, "when are you getting a boyfriend?"
    When you've got one, "when are you getting engaged/married?"
    When you're wed, "when are you having kids?"
    When you've got kids, "when are you planning for the next one?"
    When you've got grown kids, "when are you going to have grandkids?"

    Ah, some people can be so nosy, rude and irritating.

    I so know how this feels too. Hugs!

  10. hi kayni. for a time, my "happily married" friends also obsessed about my being "happily single." They made a big show of "welcoming" me to the club when I finally got hitched in my mid 30s. but really, it doesn't matter if one is single or one is "double." what is important is one is happy.

  11. Angeli, Agreed, let's not settle =).

    Daphne, I know what you mean. I have come to a point where I do avoid family gatherings these days. Oh well, I guess they just have to deal with me.

    Toni, Thank you. Hugs back!

    Anna, Absolutely, I've made it a point that I am happy no matter what. Thank you.

  12. hi kayni (manen!)-- used to be in the same boat. it's mean if you are told things just to embarrass you... tell em to just f*@k off and mind their own business. live and let live- kebs ba nila?