Monday, September 15, 2008

Hodgepodge of Thoughts

Fall is definitely here. As summer activities begin to wind down, the trees are changing colors and leaves are falling to the ground. The apartment complex held a pool party this weekend, signaling the seasonal closure of the swimming pool and giving everyone their last chance for a pool splash. There were lots of games and freebies like ten-minute massages, on-site caricature and airbrush tattoo artists, and food/drinks etc. Music was in full blast and apartment residents came out to party. Mom was a bit hesitant to mingle, but I was able to convince her we'll just walk around to see what's going on. We managed to get a caricature of ourselves (photo), pink and purple balloons, two bags of cheese popcorns, magnets for the fridge, and we both got our ten-minute massages. I was thinking of getting an airbrushed tattoo but decided not to. I laughed at myself because the line was loaded with kids taller than I am. I can't believe how tall kids are these days. I was just thinking I must have missed something while growing up. I almost didn't make 5 feet. The pool party was so much fun that Mom and I sat on a picnic bench, watched people, and ate our popcorns. It was a great way to give summer 2008 a closure.

Caricature artist. (Photo: Samsung t819)

Every time the season changes, I can't help but assess how I did during the summer. Of course, memories, both good and bad, from the past would start trickling in making me emotional and teary eyed. I'd question myself a lot. Was my summer productive? Did I accomplish anything on my summer list? Was I too busy to be happy? Am I ready to move on? The party attendees started to dispurse at about 6 PM, so Mom and I went home and sat on the balcony relaxing to the humid breeze of summer. I was contemplating about my list of goals for the fall...but I stopped as Mom said she wanted to walk to the grocery store. It was at least a 30 minute walk.

A view from my balcony. (Photo: Samsung t819)

It was 8 PM when we got home. I went back to the balcony to watch the sunset, but I saw that the moon was already up. I realized that soon, days will be shorter and the nights longer. I sighed at the thought that seasons come and go, and that the status quo will "unavoidably" change. I "really" should learn to be much more flexible. I fought, kicking and screaming, the changes that have happened in my life. I was the stubborn one who wanted "good" things to last - forever. How do you learn to be flexible? How do you stop believing in "ever afters"?


  1. As always, written from the heart, Kayni.

    I'd always wanted to have a temporary tattoo. Many times I could have had it in Bora. I always chickened out. I'd love to experience fall. Since that's not applicable here. =) Summer is soon going here, also. Winter's coming. I didn't know there's such a thing in UAE. Lol.

    In my life, I tried more than once to keep the best, so well the good things. But some are not really meant to last. But three things remain: faith, hope, and love.

    There will always be happily ever afters. Have a great week ahead!

  2. oh yes, summer is definetely over, it started to be really cold out here. it's 10 C (forgotten how to convert to F) that's interesting that you contemplate on each past season..
    well time to change to autumn clothes and keep the summer clothes back in storage ;(

  3. Witsandnuts, Thank you. Wonderfully stated - "there'll always be happily ever afters". Happily is emphasized =). Have a great week.

    Toni, I have started putting away my summer clothes. The Farmer's Almanac says that "NUMBING" is the word for this winter. It will be extremely cold. We shall see.

  4. the change of season is always a time for introspection. as we are presented with visual proof that time is indeed passing, we cannot help but think of how our time came to pass ;-) lovely piece sweetie!

  5. hi kayni.. i, too, wonder what makes me resist change while others welcome it with open arms.

    i love your post.

  6. caryn, the changing of the season is sort of a human clock. it tells you where you've been and where you're going.

    angeli, thank you. it is a puzzle, at least for me, why i react this way to change. the hard part is, change is inevitable. i think we're in for a rough adventure.

  7. I like the introspective piece kayni. I dislike change also especially if its not of my own making.

  8. you never stop believing in ever afters. i was heartbroken before too, and i didn't want to believe in love again.

    but after a time, your heart will heal and when you look back, you'd be surprised how your heart remembers only the happy times and absolutely no trace of bitterness at all.

    i've been there kayni, and i want to tell you that 'this too shall pass'. God is still preparing the man for you, and when you are both ready, you'll be amazed, because "you will just know". your heart will know it when he comes, no mistaking at all.

    stay strong!

  9. layrayski, thank you. i was thinking it might take a lot of practice to get used to all these changes...sigh.

    ms. firefly, thank you so much for encouraging words. i'll remain hopeful.

  10. you have a very nice place, much nature and beautiful view of sunset.. it's not surprising that it makes you introspective. :-). just feel the moment, one day you'll look back and feel good.

  11. artemis, i am grateful that i live in a place surrounded by trees. it's actually a protected forest park. i am also grateful that i am getting in-touch with my feelings. it is liberating.

  12. hello sis, very well-written piece. thanks for sharing. Most if not all people resist change because it forces us out of our comfort zones. But as they say, these are really the best times for us to grow.

    And I think we make our 'happily ever afters' and it starts here and now. :)

    God bless...

  13. Just dont dwell too much on the past, Kayni. Sure I understand that it is therapeutic to assess our shortcomings but focus instead on the future. Learn to love yourself more and the rest will follow. Don't be hopeless but hopeful that everything happens for a reason.

    Be well and stay warm :)

  14. sis, thanks for affirming that "ever after" begins now. such a great attitude.

    daphne, i know i should be focusing more on the future. sometimes, i just can't help. i'll do better next time. thanks. i have my warm clothes out already.

  15. hi kayni! you don't stop believing in ever afters. the thought of happy ever afters is what keeps you sane as you struggle to make sense of life and all its non-sequiturs.

    have a great weekend! and oh, i love this post!!!

  16. Hi Anna, thank you for the encouragement. Have a wonderful weekend too.